I met Barbara K. on our way back from Poreč. She joined our crew and sat next to me in the car. She had a subtle, pleasant vibe about her. A couple of weeks later Barbara attended one of our Wednesday's practicas. After the guided session, we had a free practica. Somehow I found myself in her embrace. We started to dance. Or better yet, I started to dance and she was also there with me :) One song. Two songs. Then she said: »Ok, let's just walk and do simple things. Ok?« I was relieved. I could stop trying to impress her with my rookie skill-set. But on the other hand I was also a bit tired, because two songs was my average of time spent with one tanguera (oh, the escapism of the mind). So I did the basic stuff. Walking. A back step. Side-steps with various length and intensity. »Try to stay with me,« she instructed.
Barbara was an intermediate-advanced follower, according to her time spent in the tango scene. I was glad to practice with her. Honored, even. I followed her instruction and 'listened' closely to her movement, making sure I would mirror it. »Let's make the steps, the landing of the feet at the same time,« she continued. So I tried harder, having one ear with the music and the other one with her feet. We didn't do so well. Barbara insisted that I followed the timing of her feet landing. She made syncing my job. At that point, my egoic mind exploded: »Why don't you try to land at the same time? And use more floor while you're at it! I'm the leader, you're the follower, yes?« But I was wise enough to keep quiet. Gradually, our movement improved. I got more courageous and even led a cross. And then an ocho. I gave myself permission to exit the 'let's just walk' programme and get back to dancing. At some point, I collected the heels of my feet and 'saw' that I want to make a side-step. But before I made any movement, I suddenly changed my mind and made a back-step. At the same time, Barbara started to make a side-step, realized it was actually a front-step for her and moved into it. I could tell she followed my original idea, the side-step. »Wow Barbara, you knew it was supposed to be a side-step even though it was just a beginning of an idea in my mind! I'm sure I gave no physical output yet.« She smiled. This woman was a mind reader! Or perhaps just a reader, whereas I would appear to be an open book. I could feel she had direct insight into my inner-space. She knew me, intimately. Her knowing me felt subtle and visceral at the same time. I could've led her by only thinking about the next move, I'm sure. But for that I would have to be totally calm inside and have a clear idea with every step of the way. Which was out of reach for me. We continued to dance and I returned to the simplicity policy. We must have been at least 20 minutes in already. We didn't even break the embrace between songs. I had a feeling I was doing good, while at the same time I was still impressed with her 'reading' skill. »Good. Now: stay in me.« Words made fireworks. They were ringing in my ear and the reverb of that ringing was working its way into my beingness. I knew exactly what she meant. I switched my point of experiencing from me to her. It took me a while and my awareness often jumped back to me – to my head, actually. But she was so open and inviting (and unbelievably patient) that gradually I did stay in her. In that moment her heart had presented itself to me and it was my heart that recognized this. All my mind would say about it was: »Whoaa...« My heart opened in flames of light, shining through my chest and back. Our hearts embraced and traveled through space together. The travel was us, and us was one. I calmed down as the song ended. I stopped. I couldn't contain more. I took my hand from her hand and hugged her, grateful beyond words. After practica we left the studio together. She was going to the old city center and it was on my way to Vič where I wanted to visit my ex room mates. We got on our bicycles and made our way through the city. Traffic. Pedestrians. Bulidings. Lights embellishing the dusk. My eyes saw all of it but inside someone kept saying: Barbara. Barbara. And she - she was just there. She appeared to be relaxed and doing only what was seen to the naked eye: enjoying a bicycle ride. We reached the crossing. She would continue east and my way went west. We were speaking about something. I have no recollection what the talk was about. I only remember it was brief. I had nothing to say. It was all just moments before I embrace her again. She smiled knowingly, opened and let me in. I melted. There was that heart of hers again. She was my million dollar embrace. We dissolved the embrace and let each other go. My bicycle was carrying me away to see my friends. There was the city again, enforcing physical boundaries and possibilites to which I had to submit and make use of. Distance between Barbara and me grew. My heart was a radiant large butterfly. I could still feel hers. It felt like I was connected to her by an invisible thread that was shared between her butterfly and mine. I texted her later that evening. I had to know: »does an embrace like that ever really end?«
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AuthorBlaz B, social tango dancer since February 2015. I'm sharing these posts to inspire future tango beginners, to encourage today's beginners and to possibly entertain those dancers, who have already become regulars at tango heaven.
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